I’ve been accused of being a sockpuppet in the past, which was amusing what with my being so out on the Internet that you could probably get a map to my house and a DNA sample for $50.
But those people were amateurs. They couldn’t come close to digging me out.
It’s time to cop. I am Cathy Brennan.
I am everywhere. I never sleep. I type two thousand characters per second, every second.
I am amazing. I work for a living, I have children I care for. And meanwhile I am everywhere, all the time, causing you trouble.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. You never know when I might show up. I have many looks and appearances.
Everywhere you go, wherever you look, it’s gonna be me. Cute cat pix? Totes me. Wretchedly confused Twitter peeps? Me, me! All me.
I mean, really: don’t waste your time trying to figure this out. By the time you even get started, I’ll have invented seventy-six new identities and purchased fifteen new domain names.
Resistance is futile.